I feel like my April is mirroring my February. The anticipation of a visit to see ‘her ‘ in London, the trip itself, then the fall into the low reality of a long distance relationship.
To be able to visit as soon as April, following our February trip, felt lovely; but now the lows feel crushing as we probably won’t be able to meet up again until December. That feels a lifetime away and it is hard to be positive when these feelings take over. Our trip was lovely, the weather was kind, we had tickets booked for a comedy show and we planned it well. This time all the food we had was lovely and the service was great. We visited a few new places and she even foolishly agreed to teach me pool.
I am 54 now and I have never played pool. Even as I type this it makes me grin. To say I was bad is a very big understatement. I think she was shocked at just how bad a person could be! But we laughed, lots, and had fun and that’s what life should be about. Taking those small moments and making memories. And I have to keep remembering those times because when I think about saying goodbye at the station it just makes me want to cry. I hate leaving!
But I have said all this before. Our adventures may vary a little each time, but the feelings are the same. Stronger each time.
I don’t think when we first started talking back in 2016, I ever really thought we would be together let alone together this long. I hadn’t thought it would be so hard. I think to begin with at the beginning of any relationship the newness and novelty makes everything seem easy. But we have lasted and we have grown closer and the love has deepened and now I just don’t want to be this far apart for this length of time.
We have been talking more about our ideal situation. I have mentioned before I live in the northwest of England. I don’t want to be here anymore. Liverpool is a lovely city, but I have been here over 22 years now and I have had enough. Ideally, I would like to move further south. I don’t need a huge house. I certainly don’t need a big garden (my gardening skills rival my pool playing skills!) just somewhere that is closer to her. Close enough we can have date nights, go to a local pub and do ‘normal’ couple things.
But it is not an ideal world. The time is not right for me to even begin to think about moving.
We are lucky that in many ways we are similar. So, when one of us is feeling down the other knows how it feels and tries to pick the other up. In our recent trips I have tried to take at least 2 or 3 photos of her so when I feel low, I have a picture of her when she was with me. They don’t have to be us together, but I know that that photo was when we were together. That smile was looking at me in person, and not a selfie. It helps. I just hope it helps enough to keep us trying, kep us dreaming and keep us looking to a future together.
And I always have the video she took of me ‘playing’ pool! if nothing else that’s enough to make anyone smile!
Ramblings of a middle aged woman 